What I Wish I Knew About Coaching (Part 2)

But didn’t learn until I became a Certified Life Coach – Part 2

How to make coaching work for you

Coaching is an investment in a better version of you. You will invest both time, mental/spiritual energy, and money. There is a balance between the coach “leading the session” (an obligation of the coach) and you, as the client, setting the agenda of what you want to accomplish (the heart and privilege of the client).

For example, a client can go to a gym trainer and say they want to focus on strengthening their core, or losing 30 lbs., or increasing lean body mass (they get to decide). But the client doesn’t come in and lead the program . . . they still come with the expectation that the coach has some knowledge and skills to help them more than they can help themselves. They trust the coach will guide them. This is the coach’s obligation to lead toward desired transformation. The client surely works out in between coaching sessions, but she is there to receive specific insight from her coach.

Anyone who really wants to grow must open themselves up to thoughts and actions they have not yet considered. Michael Phelps expects his coach to coach him hard on what he can’t see because he wants to become the best.

Some people are simply not ready for the hardness of change. You must let your coach know how much you want transformation and what speed is comfortable for you, and your coach can adjust as needed.

One important principal that is very helpful during this process is the thought that “Everything is FOR YOU.” This means that even when your coach offers an observation or challenges a thought you may not initially agree with, you ask yourself, “Where could this be true? If this were true, at some level, how would I be thinking/acting differently? Even if I decide there is NO truth, what lesson can I glean from this input?” This mindset keeps us open and curious, helps us willingly lower our resistance to change, and keeps us in the mindset of being “SELF-RESPONSIBLE for our own transformation” and not dependent on the coach being right or wrong. Most of this internal work will happen on your own after and in between coaching sessions. INSIDE HINT: You may discover a lot of your growth will come from the insights you were sure your coach was wrong about.

You are not alone

Regardless of different personalities, at the root, all our human problems are the same. Basically, we all get stuck, we doubt ourselves, we trash-talk ourselves, we all want connection, we all want to feel safe and special, we want the easy button rather than face the discomfort and courage required for growth, we decide it’s easier to just stay where we are, we ignore reality (that others can see), we struggle with pride and ego, and we have a really hard time following through with “doing” and would rather sit comfortably in just “knowing,” with no action required. This is our human condition!!! It’s a wonder we get anything done!!! 😊

It is very healing when a person comes to KNOW that all these negative thinking patterns are completely “normal” for us all, AND also changeable. We don’t need to beat ourselves up OR defend ourselves anymore. We can get real!! We are ready for growth!

In this world of anxiety, overwhelm, depression, obesity, drug use, stress, discord and more (not to mention hurricanes and COVID), we need someone outside our own brain to help us see what we can’t see because we’ve been telling our self the same stories for years, true or not. The willingness to consider a completely different way of thinking is where true transformation can occur. I’ve personally been “coached hard” many times and benefited so much from personal “ah-ha” moments. I’ve also witnessed the same beautiful transformation in others I have coached.

Quite simply, the more committed we are to snuggling up with our historical stories, the less opportunity we give ourselves to change; in contrast, the more we lay down our resistance and open ourselves up to curiosity and a willingness to explore our own thinking, the greater opportunity we create to experience life-changing transformation.